Dearest Friends,
It is a privilege for me to join the Chevrah Lomdei Mishnah and I’m grateful to have this opportunity to share with you. This may be a privilege, but in all honesty, it’s not a pleasure. Dwelling on this topic, discussing death and the accompanying grief and pain, is never a pleasurable experience. However, I’ve learnt that meaningful experiences are by far more valuable in the long run than pleasurable experiences. Sharing with you will hopefully provide you with encouragement and inspiration. And knowing that I’ve been able to help you along this arduous, difficult journey will undoubtedly bring me ‘sipuk hanefesh’- personal satisfaction. Furthermore, sharing with you what I’ve learnt over the years in dealing with my own personal losses, whilst furthering my own education, will add further significance to my own struggles in this realm.
Ten years ago, I coauthored ‘Saying Goodbye’ together with Dr. Neal Goldberg, published by Targum Press. Dr Goldberg, a child psychologist, working with children experiencing the trauma of losing a loved one, realized that there was a dearth of literature on the topic appropriate for teens. He approached me and asked me to be the ghost writer for this book. I informed him that I had researched the topic myself extensively and this then became a joint project. My father died suddenly at my engagement party 33 years ago. With G-d’s help, we miraculously picked up the pieces and kept moving on. My dear husband and I married 2 months later. Seven months swiftly flew by; we lost our first pregnancy, as I was entering the third trimester. Years ago, death was a taboo subject. We were so alone, dealing with the loss of this baby. And I was still deep in mourning for my beloved father. I was in Wurzeiler School of Social Work at the time, studying to become a social worker. Fully acknowledging the psychic and emotional pain I was experiencing at the time, I swore to myself that when I was capable of doing so, I would help others dealing with the loss of a loved one. I began reading anything and everything I could find on the topic. I attended conferences on grief and bereavement. Doing so enabled me to heal myself and move past these two painful losses.
G-d has been exceedingly good to me and has given me many opportunities to carry out my plan. I have written on the topic, I have lectured, and led support groups. I have been working with A TIME for close to two decades, A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange, editing their magazine, participating in workshops, helping couples deal with infertility and pregnancy loss. I have counseled many friends and acquaintances, coaching them through the trauma of loss. And now here I am, working with the esteemed Chevrah Lomdei Mishnah.
Ultimately, it is Hakodosh Boruch Hu, G-d alone, who brings comfort and solace, as stated in the traditional farewell when visiting a mourner. ‘Hamakom yenachem eschem b’soch aveilei Tzion V’Yerushalayim’.- May G-d comfort you amongst those who mourn for
Zion and Jerusalem. However, we are bidden to do our best to emulate G-d. As He is merciful, so we too strive to be merciful.. As He is gracious… so we too are gracious… As He brings comfort, so we too must do our utmost to bring comfort to our brethren.
We will be sharing with you articles that will help you clarify your experiences and your reactions to these experiences. We will post here essays discussing important Torah concepts and principles. This will be an interactive forum, a dialogue of sorts. I welcome your questions and comments. Together we will explore the ups and downs, the ins and outs, the many reactions that accompany the mourning process, this difficult, painful grief work.
I will begin by sharing with you an article penned by my beloved teacher and mentor, Dr. Miriam Adahan. ‘Good Mourning’, written many years ago, was exceedingly helpful to me when I was terribly sad and so needy. Many, drowning in grief, may believe they are losing their minds. Dr. Adahan’s piece assured me that I was normal, reacting totally normally to an abnormal situation. I hope this article will intrigue you and engage you on a deep level. Comments are welcome and can be sent to [email protected].
Dearest Readers, may we be successful in easing your pain and sorrow. I’m certain that you will all join me in praying that G-d wipe the tears from our eyes and may we speedily welcome Moshiach Tzidkeinu, when we will be reunited with our loved ones.
May all be blessed.
